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Tuesday, September 19th, 2006
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12:03 am - My tarot card reading
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So, I went to Starbucks tonight to study with my friends after Spanish class, and I happen to run into this cool guy I met at the Borders Book Club way back when. He's a very cool guy, studies music at CSUEB, writes operas, is very kind hearted and happy disposition. I offer him the remains of my strawberries and creme (which tastes AWFUL btw), and he comes to join us a little later to chat. Kewl cat. Then he offers to do some tarot card readings.
Now, he's read my tarot before, and it was good, but I had very general and confusing questions at the time, and it couldn't tell me much besides the general situation. Watching him do sequential tarot card readings for my friends, I realized how GOOD he was. Damn good. Like, spot on the money good. He could narrow down whole lifestyles and current problems with them. So, when he does me, I have one question: "Should I join the Peace Corps, or should I move to Hawaii and study Business Japanese?" He lays out my cards and they're all shiny and bright with meaning. He hits the Ace of Swords for my future. He pulls two more cards from the top. "This one's the Peace Corps", he said, and out comes Strength. "This one's Hawaii", he says again and pulls the High Priestess. I can't think of any more appropriate cards. "Well," he says, "They're both good for you, and you can choose either one. You're really thought about it a lot and these are good decisions for you. But the Peace Corps is going to take a lot, there will be a lot of hardship, and it won't be as easy as you think it will be. You may plan on not going to a war-torn country, but this is completely a possibility. You're going to be completely alone, and you'll have to rely on your own resources. It'll be more difficult that you can imagine, but it will be beneficial to you. Hawaii will be a spiritual experience for you. It will teach you a lot about life and about yourself. You'll love it there, and it'll be like a dream. You will grow spiritually and emotionally. It will also offer you a lot of benefits.
"No matter which one you choose, you're going to be in a leadership position. In the Peace Corps, you're going to have to fight for control, and possibly phyically fight and push to make things happen. In Hawaii, you'll be a leader, but it's much dreamier, more spiritual.
"I can also see a recent romance here," he said, "there's no conclusion yet, and you're going to have to wrap that up before you go. There's someone there, and they're maybe more grounded and more advanced than you. But while they can change in minute ways, they can't change in big ways, that's holding you back." He gestured to where the Two of Cups intersected me. "There's definately some romantic issues here." But he again pointed to the Ace of Swords. "But there's change coming, and it's going to be soon, and you'll make a decision. And either one will be right for you."
I think I like the way he reads cards because it hits so many key issues in my life, because he doesn't think he knows everything or can sense everything, and because he admits he can be wrong. But he has good readings, he reads the cards, and he just tells you what he sees there...which is usually amazingly accurate.
I dunno...it gave me a lot ot think about. I think it's a good reading.
current mood: reflective
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, March 28th, 2006
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10:09 pm - I've moved!
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I'm moving...physically and otherwise. Come find me. You certainly won't find directions here... ;P
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, February 25th, 2006
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2:15 am - Johari, Nohari Window
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My Johari Window is where I pick 6 adjectives to describe myself and I have others also choose 6 adjectives to describe my character. With this, one can evaluate my range of self-consciousness.
My Nohari Window is the same concept, with opposite adjectives.
Give them both a try! I've already picked my adjectives. ^-^
Here's a Wikipedia definition of the Johari and Nohari Window and its applications.
current mood:  sleepy
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, October 29th, 2005
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11:55 pm - NaNoWriMo
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| Tuesday, September 20th, 2005
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9:54 pm - Birthday Meme
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| Your Birthdate: April 3 | 
Being born on the 3rd day of the month is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life.
The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental.
There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, "couldn't care less" attitude.
You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression.
Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing.
You are energetic and always a good conversationalist.
You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters.
You are affectionate and loving, but sometimes too sensitive.
You are subject to rapid ups and downs. |
But what can I do with that?
| Your IQ Is 120 | 
Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average
Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius
Your General Knowledge is Average |
I actually raised my score from 110. I can't figure out how to get higher on the Logical Intelligence. I guess because my logic is faulty. ^^;
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
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10:08 pm - 7 things me-me
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| Sunday, August 28th, 2005
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3:00 pm - Murphy's Law Regarding Phones
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When one loses a phone, searches futiley for it, calls the restaurant where she last saw it, and then finally announces to her friends and family to delete it from their address books, Murphy's Law dictates that the next day, the restaurant should call the next day with the news that one's phone is found. Not only that, but they also should notify the people who threw the party at the restaurant for them to pick the phone up, only to have the phone's owner and the party planners bump into each other at the same restaurant the same day. One may also speculate on why the restaurant held the phone for two weeks before doing anything about it, or, even more suspiciously, apparantely did not clean thoroughly enough to find the phone until two weeks after the party date.
They also have too much greasy food. I would not recommend it.
I have my phone now and I reactivated the phone number. If you need the number again because of the prior deletion, email me and I'd be happy to give it to you. Sorry!
But to all those who were kind enough to email me their info, thank you very much. It was great to hear from you!
The travel bug has been appeased somewhat by a quick sojourn to my aunts' for the weekend and promises of an upcoming escapade with the Newcombs who, having weathered a rather prickly bunny over the phone, not only did not withdraw their hands of friendship, but extended invitations to join their frolicking. And Lo! The bunny was grateful.
I love going to my aunts. While I would still like to try an intense zen meditation get-away at some point in my life, it is still highly fulfilling to go to my aunts, relax and shoot the philosophical breeze. They are supportive and loving, and have a unique perspective on what matters in life, which helps me shed my inhibitions and make new starts toward new goals. Oh, and there's a budgie in their yard. I think it must be some escapee, now pleasantly content to live in the next door pear tree and terrorize the doves that come to glut themselves on the bird feeders in their back yard. Funny little parakeet.
Because I can't sit still, and find myself idle, discontented and disappointed with myself when I do, I have now worked out a schedule to keep busy over the week: M, W, F to the gym for cardio, light strength training and stretching. Tuesdays at my grandparents' for dinner, and Thursdays at a Borders book club. All of these require me to leave work at 6 or 6:30 (sometimes 7) at the very latest, and will help me balance my workload. "You're meant to be here," one of the book club ladies said as I hesitantly approached them. I blinked. Yes, yes it may be that I am.
current mood:  hopeful
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, August 24th, 2005
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9:47 pm - phone matters
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In the middle of my depressing and frustrating vacation. I will most likely remember to plan ahead next time...spontanaeity does not becomes me in this instance, since all I seem to do is laze about the couch all day, despite a desperate, gnawing need to hop and jet and LEAVE somewhere.
I constantly feel restless. I don't know what it is, but it's causing me an inordinate amount of underlying stress and strain. I have to leave, I have to leave, I have to go, go, go!!!
So I lost my cell phone recently, and cancelled the number so go ahead and delete it if you have it on file. Which is a pity, really, because I really liked my phone number. You can reach me at home, if I'm there, or send me an email. Also, I really want to call some of you, but your numbers no longer exist. Please email them to me so that I can write them in my handy little address book.
I went to the mall today in my little white camisole with the multi colored dots, my new haircut and my favorite (and only) hat. I was walking past one of those cell phone kiosks when one of the boys (apparantely emboldened by his sales training) shouted out to me. I turned and looked puzzled. He repeated. I asked him to say again. "Can I call you sometime?" he enunciated carefully. Taken off guard by the frankness of his request, I could only manage to stammer a "No, thank you" which he took well, bobbed my head a couple times in genuine asian fashion, and walked away. Wow. That's gotta be the most frank request for a date I have ever received...and from over 10 ft. away, no less.
Which reminds me, in a similarly confused and befuddled situation, I hit it off with this guy at a Mensa meeting who asked for my email address. "We could go to dinner sometime," he said intently. "Oh, do you all usually..." I gestured vaguely at the rest of group. "No, no, no," he insisted. "I meant, just you and me." Not willing to come out suddenly to him in front of a room full of strangers, and at a loss for a response, I wrote down my email address. He emailed me in the next week to ask me out, and I never emailed him back. That was...3 months ago? I assume he doesn't need to hear from me anymore.
Bad things happen when I'm flustered. I should learn to handle these sorts of things more gracefully. I don't want to be frigid and turn down people who I might be able to connect with...but I also don't want to lead them on any more than...I already have? It's a confusing proposition to me.
Anyways...back to feeling restless...and...kind of depressed. I'm hoping I can do something fulfilling within the next couple of days. Gah.
current mood:  restless
current music: Clampdown - Indigo Girls
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, August 19th, 2005
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10:12 pm - Silly survey
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| Tuesday, August 16th, 2005
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8:55 pm - Garlic Crab
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For those in the area, if you have not been to the Hayward Fishery, it is now Art's Crab Shak (yes, without the "c") and they have some damn fine garlic crab. If you can stand your crab dripping with salt, butter, oil and crushed garlic, I would highly recommend it.
I am of the opinion that crab was meant to be eaten steamed and warm, with the tender meat sliding away whole from the shell, and a nice plate of hot butter for dipping. Cold crab is a sin, and I will never understand it. Well, technically, in some scripture or other, crab itself would be a sin, but melted butter is God's way of saying, "I forgive you."
I'm reading Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut (sp) and I'm impressed--it's a lot better than I thought it would be. The writing style is disconnected, jaunty and addictive. The more you read, the more you're pulled into his rambling and seductive train of thought. I don't know exactly where he's taking me, but the forward motion is apparant, and I'm looking forward to the end. We'll see how it goes.
I'm also still reading Genji Monogatari (thanks, becky!) but I lose my place often and can't remember what was going on in previous chapters. Apparantely "chapters" was homynomous with "conquests" in Ancient Japanese, because one can count the bodies of fallen lovers in the wake of each literary gusto. Even that boy...that poor, poor boy...taken advantage of in the night because Prince Genji couldn't have his sister. That's just so...wrong! >.<
I would like to do something restful soon; just take a vacation and re-focus, relax, and meditate...hopefully away from prying eyes. But not too far...because, who am I kidding?, I'm not a really great meditator. Here are some options:
The Tassajara Zen Mountain Center for almost frighteningly remote and asture living conditions.
The St. Orres Lodging for a woodsy locale with spectacular, wild animal dining.
A spa...somewhere...my manager suggested a place where they do spa treatments and yoga...might be pricey. @_@
Send me your suggestions! Assume I have a week, and willing to spend appropriately. International destinations are ok.
current mood:  creative
current music: Come On Eileen - Save Ferris
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(26 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, August 14th, 2005
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9:32 pm - Bad Color Signs
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I took a much more optimistic looking Color Quiz many, many months ago. Now I get this:
Your Existing Situation
Physical illness, over-tension, or emotional distress have taken a severe toll. Her self-esteem has been reduced and now needs peaceful conditions and considerate treatment to permit recovery.
Your Stress Sources
Unfulfilled hopes have led to uncertainty and apprehension. Needs to feel secure and to avoid any further disappointment, and fears being passed over or losing standings and prestige. Doubts that things will be any better in the future and this negative attitude leads her to make exaggerated demands and to refuse to make reasonable compromises.
Your Restrained Characteristics
Unhappy at the resistance she feels whenever she tries to assert herself. Indignant and resentful because of these setbacks, but gives way apathetically and makes whatever adjustments are necessary so that she can have peace and quiet. Becomes distressed when her needs or desires are misunderstood and feels that she has no one to turn to or rely on. Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense.
Your Desired Objective
Feels exhausted by conflict and quarreling and desires protection from them. Needs peaceful conditions and a tranquil environment in which to relax and recover.
Your Actual Problem
Disappointment at the non-fulfillment of her hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety. She tries to escape from this by withdrawing and protecting herself with an attitude of cautious reserve. Moody and depressed.
This isn't a good sign. I'm so tired. It's uncanny how much this quiz makes sense. I want to escape myself and go someplace where her actions can't hurt me. Where does that place exist? Between here and nowhere. I don't want to talk. I want to disappear, like smoke, like vapor, like a burnt dream. That's where all things loving go.
current mood: resigned
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| Thursday, August 11th, 2005
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9:08 pm - FMA Kitties
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| Friday, August 5th, 2005
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8:12 pm - Sexuality
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*Me in a car, with Br_____'s recruiter. All day he's been giving me special attention, which I find unnerving, because he knows I'm a lesbian and he knows Br_____ and I aren't together. When we're driving back from dropping Br_____ off, he starts a conversation I've been dreading: why I haven't capitulated to his recruitment's obvious charms.*
"When you think of a lover, do you think of that person as loyal, and thoughtful, and kind, and loving? Then why not him?"
"...Because I'm not in love with him."
Apparantely that answer wasn't good enough.
Why do people persist to tell me my sexuality? Why should anyone ever have to settle for a man, just because he's a good friend? Does anyone ever tell you to make a same-sex lover out of a girl just because she's a good friend?
I hate that kind of shit. Is it really that important to him whether or not I'm in the arms of some guy? And he has the nerve to sit there and tell me that for some, homosexuality is natural, and for others, it's a choice, and for women, it's more of a choice. And that I can choose to learn to love some guy with time. And if he was more of an asshole, I could hit him with my purse and tell him to fuck off. But because he's a Nice Guy, and Nice Guys cloak that kind of passive aggressive hitting-on with an older brother/mentor/caretaker/kind benefactor attitude, I can only nod and thank him for his un-solicited opinion and think to myself how I would rather be anywhere right now other than trapped in a car with him for half an hour.
And you know what...it's not about labels. It's not about whether I'm bi (which I am) or lesbian (which I probably am too) or straight (which I 'm probably not). It's about the fact that he undermines my respect and self-consciousness by telling me how I should feel. And that's the hard, biting, passive-aggressive bullshit schtick underlying every Nice Guy methodology: let me fix you, because you obviously can't fix yourself.
This vase doesn't need fixing. The flaws are there for art. Move along and find yourself a stodgy portrait to fuck, and leave my hole alone.
current mood:  irate
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(13 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, August 4th, 2005
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12:06 am - FMA
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Okay, okay, I'm watching Full Metal Alchemist for the first time...it's not what I thought it would be. I'm trying to hold off on all judgements until I reach the end. I have a feeling it's got some twists left up its sleeve, and I don't want to miss out. Unlike Eva...or FuriKuri...or Hack.Sign...I think I could go the rest of my life without knowing how those work out.
Definately enjoying Hawkeye when she deigns to make an appearance. She's awesome! And she grew out her hair inexplicably! And Darcy, you're wrong, there IS Hawkeye yuri fanfiction--do not underestimate the abilities of a sex-starved lesbian to find animated girl on girl luvin'. ;)
I'm kinda rockin' this new band I saw at the Garlic Festival: Trusting Lucy. They're pretty cool. Not quite up to par with my beloved Girlyman (stars in eyes), but they've got a nice classic rock sound.
Did I say that right? The truth is I have no idea what classic rock sounds like, but if I did, I would think it sounds like Trusting Lucy.
How many episodes left in FMA? I guess I've got awhile to go before they wrap it up. How many episodes to a season? Anyone?
current mood:  content
current music: Feed My Soul - Trusting Lucy
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(14 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, July 29th, 2005
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7:43 pm - Business
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The business of being in business seems both hopelessly cynical and incurably optimistic. It's interesting being at that focal point of a company where the fine lines between those concepts are drawn every day. I'll post more at a later date.
In the meantime, Gilroy has a Garlic Festival this weekend!! =D <-- Ecstatic! I think I'll check it out. If Brandon's willing to drive, I'm willing to be a passenger. ^-^
BBQ bash this Sunday...I think I'll bring something garlicky from the festival.
And I'm actually leaving semi-on-time lately. 13 hour days farewell! At least for this month. Looking forward to using my 2 weeks free coupon at 24 Hour Fitness for Yoga and then promptly defecting to Express Fitness for cheaper monthly deals. Or maybe I could find a specialized yoga place...I really only want the classes.
And the tire...goes round....<--(most scandalous tire commercials ever!! >.<)
current mood: genki
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(9 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, July 14th, 2005
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9:49 pm - Good Day
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This week was grueling. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were filled with long hours and many complications. So I'm very grateful when today rolls around and we're catching up on work. It makes me optimistic. =)
In that optimistic spirit, I went to the local gym to look for a yoga class, but the sales people were out and the receptionist was no help. Oh well, I'll go back next week and see what the rates are. I hear the Yoga class is at 7pm each night, so it'll give me a good kick in the arse to leave work on time.
After about 6-7 months, the Payless shoes have finally had it. I have actually worn a hole into the bottom of my right shoe that I'm considering patching with duct tape. The inner sole of the left shoe has come completely detached and needs to be glued down or something. Altogether, I didn't expect $8 shoes to last this long, and I certainly made it stretch. Maybe I'll break the piggy bank and splurge on another pair of cheapo shoes this weekend. ;)
My mom got a job, which makes me hopeful. It doesn't pay enough to make a living off of, which is worrisome, but it comes with benefits and that's always a plus. The whole cost of living thing worries me quite a bit. They always tell me that it'll be fine, but are those just the things that parents have to tell their children? I really want it to be fine.
Still high off Girlyman, and it makes me smile to think of meeting them. I've been playing their first album non-stop since getting it back. It's strange how even the songs they didn't play at the concert seem to have unfolded with new meaning. It's like you don't really delve deep into the lyrics until they hit you somewhere along the way: "Oh! THAT'S what they're saying!" I'm enjoying some songs more now, and some less.
"Could be lobsters, could be trash," as they sing.
current mood:  optimistic
current music: Genevieve - Girlyman
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| Saturday, July 9th, 2005
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11:28 pm - Indigo Girls meets Girlyman
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Well, I have to blog about my first concert. ;)
So, in the grand tradition of concert bloggers before me: The Playlist with commentary (not necessarily in this order because I can't remember it).
1) unknown song (I call it the Girlyman Theme Song) - was peppy, was poppy...I have no idea what CD it's on or if it even is.
2) Superior - Ty's commentary: s/he wrote it by Lake Superior (surprise!) on tour where there were all these closed and abandoned factories...and strangely enough, lots and lots of signs for army recruitment. S/he thought it was weird how often those two coincided.
+Somewhere in here, Nate remarks how cute the audience is for the 7th time and there are jokes that he's trying to hit on the audience.+
3) Speechless - "And with that, here's a love song!" interrupts Doris. At this point, I'm staring at Ty so hard that I feel perpetually guilty for not giving the other two members eyeball time. (What are you supposed to do when they stick her right in the middle of the stage?! @_@) However, I don't miss how, in the bridge of the song, there's a tension filled pause and Ty's face looks suddenly bittersweet and far away, and you know for a fact that it's the face of someone who's been hard in love too.
4) On the Air - In the opening bars of this song, I suddenly whoop with surprise and delight much louder (and alone) than intended, and the people around me get a good laugh out of my embarresment.
5) Postcards from Mexico - "Do you know what a hootenanny is?" Nate asks. I actually don't, but I end up jumping around and dancing anyways.
+Somewhere in here, Nate mentions their two albums and starts comparing them...stops himself, but not before saying that one is better than the other (the first one). He quickly covers with something about how he continually compares them like children and Ty, in an effort at levity, says "Will you be my sperm donor?" Nate chuckles; the audience is slightly confused. "That was supposed to be a joke," Ty apologizes and makes a comic face that is instantly hilarious.+
6) Young James Dean - This was the #1 song I would want to see played live by Ty. She does a good job, and it's tougher and rawer than it is on the CD, and also more comical in the love line (during the performance Ty rolls her eyes and shakes her head as if to say, "man, I tried, but boy was I crazy". Her comments: "This is a song I wrote about my own experiences and the experiences of some others like me."
7) This is Me (Little Star) - Beautiful and touching song. Nate wrote it after the election ("When I was feeling low...somewhere around October/November...and feeling depressed and that everything was out of control..." "Oh, you mean after the election?" Ty interrupts. "Yeeees," Nate replies, "but I was trying to be more subtle about it." Ty cringes good-naturedly and laughs. Nate continues, "I play this song when I'm feeling down to remind myself that everyone is so small, but they're beautiful and they're each their own universe.") At this point, I'm regretting standing behind a loud group of drunks that obviously have no interest in the opening act.
8) Hey Rose - Ty explains, "I wrote this song when I was going through a phase; a phase of trying to get straight women to make out with me." Sympathetic cheers. "Yeah, you know what I mean." An intelligeble shout from just below and Ty looks over. "You're not straight," she protests good-naturedly, and there are laughs from that section. In the middle of the song, they unexpectedly and appropriately spliced in the chorus from "Genie in a Bottle" and we all go nuts with the joke. They're grinning from ear to ear as they sing it, and we laugh our asses off. This song (possibly because it's from their first album and they have much more experience playing it) is best as its live version. There were certain stanzas where I suspected Hey Rose was getting a little sexual and wanton, but played live, with the sudden climaxes and silences and rough, raw voices, made it OBVIOUS. Someone really wants Rose to get it on. ;) The funny thing is, this song is the one I would pick to express that precarious point in Nicole's courtship, as it were, when I was lying there, being stroked by her fingers, feeling like lightning and anticipation and dread all together at each touch, and wetter than I'd even been (TMI, I know) and absolutely terrifed of making the plunge and admitting my feeling to her. It absolutely captures that moment in time.
Sooooooooo, I got their autographs. (Yay!) I also made it a point to tell Doris she had a pretty voice (well, she does, and she's even a stronger singer than Ty, which I never really suspected) and to shake Ty's hand (s/he touched me!! =D). I also went back and sat around just to watch them (I'll admit it, HER) and then went up with some inane question, like "Hey, are you guys going to have your own concerts soon?" To which Ty answered sincerely, "Yeah, in the future...are you on our mailing list? Then we'll let you know." Her voice is higher and stringier than I imagined it, and it helped disillusion me of the crush I have on her because she looks so much like my ex. Though, I guess the attraction can never totally fade...I mean...she IS a drummer. And drummers are HOT. She's also that pretty butch androgynous type which is totally my weak spot.
Then the Indigo Girls played, and I have to admit...they're good. They have a polish and power in their performance that Girlyman, in their younger years, just can't match. I only recognized one song, the one in L-Word, and no, I don't know what that line is either...it seems to be sung one on top of the other, and they don't seem too concerned about making it clear. So I bought their Rarities CD and I'm going to check out 1200 Curfews or something and see what I can see. ^-^
And that's my first concert. It was mostly low key, with some gentle crowd swaying, a flash picture or two, and sometimes, when we got really wired up, some enthusiastic clapping to the beat. ;) In a phrase, it was a concert that assauged my anxious bunny nerves. I guess bluegrass crowds'll do that to you.
current mood:  jubilant
current music: Hey Rose - Girlyman
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, July 4th, 2005
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11:07 pm - I meet everyone Offline
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I don't think I meet anyone online. I even refer to Friday Fishwrap as "the only blog I read that isn't someone I know personally".
Add to the knowledge. (yoinked from ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) kamikazefroggie)
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, June 7th, 2005
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8:54 pm - Trying to regain a semblance...
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| Wednesday, May 25th, 2005
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8:14 pm - Whoo!
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Went to my aunts' this past weekend and had a blast. It was my first genuine vacation from work in a loooong time. I actually had time to hang out, chill, and watch What The Bleep Do We Know?! which was interesting, but hell if I know anything about quantum physics. "Looks good to me!" I said.
I got my Girlyman CD in the mail and immediately crushed on one of the singers, Ty, who is gender benderingly cute with a fantastic voice. Upon further inspection I realized that s/he bears an uncanny resemblance (see the group photo on the top right) to my ex-girlfriend...s/he's even a Cancer.
...
Damn these rebound hormones! >.<
I'm so enamored with the band that I've finally signed up for my first, live concert! Sure, they're opening for some band called the Indigo Girls (whoever they are) but I'm willing to drive out there just for their opening act. I really want to see them live! I think it'll be great.
current mood:  predatory
current music: Young James Dean - Girlyman
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happy
indifferent
impressed
pensive